1– I’m about three years into my relationship now and I’ve started to have erection difficulties. My girlfriend and I have different ideas as to what the problem is: she bought me some Viagra and I bought her a treadmill.
2-A woman was nagging her husband to cut the grass, to which the husband answered, What do I look like to you? A landscaper?!; Next time the sink was dripping, she asked him again, “Honey, can you fix the faucet?” The husband replied,(What do I look like to you? A Plumber?) Two days later, a light bulb went out and she begged him again, “Honey, can you change the light bulb?” His reply was, (What am I? An electrician?!) A few days later, the husband comes home from work to find that the lawn is cut, the faucet is fixed, the light bulb is changed. Very surprised, he says, Honey, what happened here? The wife replies, You know our new next door neighbor? He came over and fixed everything. The husband says, Honey, how did you pay him?! Oh, you know, the wife says, he told me that I could either bake him a cake or have sex with him. Somewhat relieved the husband asks, Whew, so what kind of a cake did you bake for him? The wife replies, Who do you think I am? Betty Crocker?!””
3– Man: Wanna hear a joke about my penis? Oh never mind, it’s too long.
Woman: Want to hear a joke about my vagina? Never mind, you’ll never get it.
4– A husband, who has six children, begins to call his wife mother of six rather than by her first name. The wife, amused at first, chuckles. A few years down the road, the wife has grown tired of this. Mother of six, he would say, what’s for dinner tonight? Get me a beer! She gets very frustrated. Finally, while attending a party with her husband, he jokingly yells out, Mother of six, I think it’s time to go! The wife immediately shouts back, I’ll be right with you, father of four!”
5-A guy takes his girlfriend to his bedroom, drops his pants, and says, Meet my little brother. The girlfriend picks up her purse on the way out and says, Call me when he grows up.
6– Q: Why are most hurricanes named after women?
A: Because when they come they are wet and wild and when they leave they take your house and your car.
7– A mother comes home from work to find that her kids are hiding behind the couch. She asks what’s wrong, and the kids reply that aunt Sally was in the house naked. So she goes to her bedroom to investigate, and she finds her husband lying on the bed naked and sweaty. She asks, What’s going on? He replies, I’m having a heart attack.” She says “I’m going to call 911, while I’m really looking for my sister. She discovers the aunt in the bathroom closet in the nude, and gives her a slap, “How dare you! My husband is having a heart attack and you’re running around scaring the kids!