Family jokes

-Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
-What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
-How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
-Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
-I just watched a program about beavers. It was the best dam program I’ve ever seen.
-Why did the coffee file a police report? It got mugged.
-How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.
-Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
-What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
-Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
-Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field.

-The shovel was a ground-breaking invention.
-Dad, can you put the cat out? I didn’t know it was on fire.
-This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
– Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, “No, just leave it in the carton!”
-5/4 of people admit that they’re bad with fractions.
-Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, “do you know how to drive this thing?”
-What do you call a man with a rubber toe? Roberto.

-Why don’t skeletons ever go trick or treating? Because they have no body to go with.
-Ill call you later. Don’t call me later, call me Dad.
-What do you call an elephant that doesn’t matter? An irrelephant
-Want to hear a joke about construction? I’m still working on it.
-What do you call cheese that isn’t yours? Nacho Cheese.
-Why couldn’t the bicycle stand up by itself? It was two tired.
-What did the grape do when he got stepped on? He let out a little wine.
-I wouldn’t buy anything with velcro. It’s a total rip-off.

-What do you call a fat psychic? A four-chin teller.
-I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
-To the man in the wheelchair that stole my camouflage jacket… You can hide but you can’t run.
– The rotation of earth really makes my day.
-I thought about going on an all-almond diet. But that’s just nuts
-What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
-I’ve never gone to a gun range before. I decided to give it a shot!
-Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees? Because they’re so good at it.

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