Sports jokes

1– Three guys go to a ski lodge, and there aren’t enough rooms, so they have to share a bed. In the middle of the night, the guy on the right wakes up and says, I had this wild, vivid dream of getting a hand job! The guy on the left wakes up, and unbelievably, he’s had the same dream, too. Then the guy in the middle wakes up and says, “That’s funny, I dreamed I was skiing!

2– A guy and his wife are sitting and watching a boxing match on television. The husband sighs and complains, This is disappointing. It only lasted for 30 seconds!.Good, replied his wife. Now you know how I always feel.

3– A man joins a soccer team and his new teammates inform him, At your first team dinner as the new guy, you will have to give us a talk about sex. The evening arrives and he gives a detailed, humorous account of his sex life. When he got home, his wife asked how the evening went and not wanting to lie, but also not wanting to explain exactly what happened, he said, Oh, I had to make a talk about yachting, his wife thought this a little peculiar but said nothing more and went to sleep. The next day she bumped into one of his new teammates at the supermarket and asked, I heard my husband had to make a speech last night. How did it go? His mate said smiling, ‘Oh, it was excellent! Your husband is clearly very experienced!. The wife looked confused and replied to his mate, Strange, he has only done it twice and the second time he was sick.

4– Q: Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? 
A: In case he got a hole in one.

5– Q: What’s the difference between England and a teabag? 
A: A teabag could stay in the cup for longer.

6– How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 50: 3 to die trying, 1 to actually pull it off, and 46 other to say, “man, I could do that!”

7– It’s game 7 of the NBA finals and a man makes his way to his seat at center court. He sits down and notices that the seat next to him is empty. He leans over and asks his neighbor if someone is sitting there. He responds, No, the seat’s empty. The first man exclaims, What?!? Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the NBA finals and not use it? The neighbor responds, Well the seat is mine, but my wife passed away and this is the first NBA finals we haven’t been together. The first man responds, I’m sorry to hear that. Wasn’t there anyone else, a friend or relative, that could’ve taken that seat? The neighbor responds, No, they’re all at the funeral.

8-Golfer: Do you think my game is improving?
Caddy: Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now.

9– One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. Tie me up, she purred, And you can do anything you want. So he tied her up and went golfing.

10– A football coach walked into the locker room before a game, looked over to his star player and said, I’m not supposed to let you play since you failed math, but we need you in there. So what I have to do is ask you a math question, and if you get it right, you can play. The player agreed, and the coach looked into his eyes intently and asks, Okay, now concentrate… what is two plus two? The player thought for a moment and then he answered, “4?” “Did you say 4?!? the coach exclaimed, excited that he got it right. At that, all the other players on the team began screaming, “Come on coach, give him another chance!

11– Golfer: I’d move heaven & earth to break 100 on this course. Caddy: Try heaven; you’ve already moved most of the earth.

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