1-The teacher to a student: Conjugate the verb “to walk” in simple present.
-The student: I walk. You walk…
-The teacher intruptes him: Quicker please.
-The student: I run. You run …
1-2- Teacher: Did your father help your with your homework?
Student: No, he did it all by himself.
2– Father: What did you do today to help your mother?
-Son: I dried the dishes .
-Daughter: And I helped pick up the pieces.
1– A: Look at your face I know what you had for breakfast :
-B: What was it?
-B: No, that was yesterday.
2-A: Why are all those people running?
-B: They are running a race to get a cup.
-A: Who will get the cup?^
-B: The person who wins.
-A: Then why are all the others running?
3– Patient: Doctor, I think that I’ve been bitten by a vampire.
-Doctor: Drink this glass of water.
-Patient: Will it make me better?
-Doctor: No, I but I’ll be able to see if your neck leaks.
4- Said to a railroad engineer:
-What’s the use of having a train schedule if the trains are always late.The reply from the railroad engineer:
-How would we know they were late, if we didn’t have a schedule?
5-A: When I stand on my head the blood rushes to my head, but when I stand on my feet the blood doesn’t rush to my feet. Why is this?
-B: It’s because your feet aren’t empty.
6– Teacher: What are some products of the West Indies?
–Student: I don’t know.
–Teacher: Of course, you do. Where do you get sugar from?
–Student: We borrow it from our neighbor.
7-On a crowded bus, one man noticed that another man had his eyes closed.
-“What’s the matter? Are you sick?” he asked.
-No, I’m okay. It’s just that I hate to see old ladies standing.
8– If big elephants have big trunks, do small elephants have suitcases?
9– A: Do you want to hear a dirty joke?
-B: Ok .
-A: A white horse fell in the mud.
10– There is a California dude going through a desert. He’s wearing shorts, sunglasses, a towel and listening to music on his walkman. He’s having a good time. Suddenly he sees a caravan approaching. He stops the Arabs and ask them cheerfully: “Hey dudes how far is the sea?” They look at each other and say: “Two thousand miles!” And he says: “Wow what a cool beach!
11-In a restaurant:
Customer: Waiter, waiter! There is a frog in my soup!!!
Waiter: Sorry, sir. The fly is on vacation.