1.A couple sits on a sofa. He has foot odor and she has mouth odor. After a moment of awkward silence, she says, “Paul, I have to tell you something.” No need,Paul raises his hand, it’s OK. I know you ate my socks.
2. If you’re ever lost in the nature, you’ll do well to have a compass.
It will help you to be lost more north.
3.Anita meets her friend Tanya after a long time and they chat a bit, when Anita asks, “And are you still engaged to Rowley?
No, not for a long time, smiles Tanya.
Oh thank goodness for that, what a jerk that guy was! I never got the courage to tell you, but I’m pretty certain he was cheating on you with Greta and Louise!
Um…Tanya continues, yeah… we got married three years ago.
4. I tried playing Frisbee with my dog in the park.
We tried for two hours, but really, I’d need a much flatter dog for that.
5.A ship has been badly damaged in a storm and things don’t look good.
The crew assembles on the deck and the captain shouts over the howling wind, Men, it’s bad. The helm is broken off, we have three huge holes, I really don’t see this beauty making it to the shore. Is there anyone among you who knows how to pray?
Paul steps up and says, I can, and I will, captain!
Excellent, you do that, shouts the captain. Now the rest of you put on your life jackets, we were missing one.
6. My friend talked me into lending her money for plastic surgery. I’ve been trying to get it back for months. Unfortunately I have no idea what she looks like these days.