1. Why haven’t you ever seen any elephants hiding up trees? Because they’re really, really good at it.”
2.We have a strange custom in our office. The food has names there. Yesterday for example I got me a sandwich out of the fridge and its name was “Michael”
3.What do you get when you cross breed a dog and a white shark?
-Trouble with the postman.
4.Secretary: Doctor the invisible man has come. He says he has an appointment.
–Doctor: Tell him I can’t see him.
5.Two elephants meet a totally naked guy. After a while one elephant says to the other: I really don’t get how he can feed himself with that thing!
6.I really don’t know which kid I’m supposedly being unfair to, according to my wife, Thomas, Anton, or the fat, ugly one?
7.They say you cannot outrun a bear. True, but don’t panic, usually it is enough to outrun the chubbiest member of your hiking group.
8.Grandpa, why don’t you have any life insurance?
-So you can all be really sad when I die.
9. Famous last words of the gym teacher? All spears to me.
The love of your life.
Liar! Chocolate can’t speak!
11. A detective asks a woman, So, your husband hanged himself? Woman replies, Yes, that is correct.” The suspicious detective continues, “But why does he have all those bruises on his head?
-The old fool used an elastic rope.
12.Why don‘t cannibals eat divorced women?
-Because they’re bitter.
13.Q. What’s the worst thing about being lonely?
-A. Playing Frisbee.