Funny American Jokes

1. Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roast beef. Please call the manager! “Waiter: That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.

2.So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby.

For instance my name, address and telephone number

3.You are so kind, funny and beautiful. -Oh come on. You just want to get me to bed. -And smart, too!

4. I’m selling my talking parrot. Why? Because yesterday, the bastard tried to sell me.

5.I was picking up my girl. Her dad looked at me very sternly and said, “I want her home by midnight, young man!
-I said, “What do you mean? You already own her home!

6.Do you know why women aren’t allowed in space? 
-To avoid scenarios like: “Houston, we have a problem! 
-What is the problem?
-Yeah, great, pretend like you don’t know what I’m talking about!

7. Doctor: “Can you describe the snake that bit you?
-Patient: “Yes. It looked like an angry rope.

8.A woman in a bikini reveals about 90% of her body…. and yet most men are so polite they only look at the covered parts.

9. Yesterday I learnt that 20 piranhas can strip all flesh off a man within 15 minutes. Unfortunately, I also lost my job at the local swimming pool.

10.What is grey and can’t fly?
-A fat pigeon

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